We’re fed the lie that life is fair from the moment we’re old enough to tie our shoes. Work hard, they say, and you’ll succeed. But what they don’t tell you is that some people are trying to run a marathon with broken legs. Trauma, dysfunctional families, mental health struggles—these are the invisible weights dragging countless people down. The world loves to celebrate overnight successes but conveniently ignores the years of emotional rubble they had to claw through to get there.
If you’ve ever looked at someone else’s achievements and thought, “Why can’t I be like that?” here’s the bitter pill: You’re not behind because you’re lazy or stupid. You’re behind because the game wasn’t designed with your scars in mind. And guess what? That’s okay. But first, you need to stop blaming yourself for a system that was never fair to begin with.
Trauma Isn’t Just in Your Past—It’s in Your Wiring
Let’s get real about trauma. It’s not just a bad memory or an unpleasant feeling. Trauma rewires your brain. When you’ve grown up in a toxic environment—whether that’s abuse, neglect, or constant fear—your brain learns to prioritize survival over growth. You’re not dreaming of success; you’re just trying to stay afloat.
Think of it as coding with corrupted data. Your brain creates pathways to avoid pain and minimize risk, but these same pathways make it harder to learn, adapt, or trust others. This isn’t weakness—it’s biology. But it’s also a prison if you don’t actively work to break free.
Stop Comparing Your Chapter 1 to Someone’s Chapter 20
Social media is a highlight reel of other people’s lives. We’ve all seen those posts: the new job, the perfect relationship, the exotic vacation. It’s easy to look at someone else’s achievements and think, “Why am I not there yet?” But here’s the thing: you’re comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel.
Let’s take it a step further. Person A grew up in a stable home, with supportive parents and access to quality education. Person B grew up in chaos—emotional or physical abuse, financial instability, or worse. When Person A solves a problem, they’re using a mind unburdened by survival mode. For Person B, solving the same problem might feel like climbing Everest—with a boulder strapped to their back.
Your starting line wasn’t their starting line. Stop pretending it was.
The Results Pyramid: How Trauma Shapes Beliefs and Actions
There’s a framework called the Results Pyramid that explains how experiences shape beliefs, beliefs influence actions, and actions create results. Let’s apply this to trauma:
- Experience: You grow up in a toxic environment where trust is a liability.
- Belief: You internalize that the world is hostile, people are unkind, and you’re not good enough.
- Action: You avoid risks, relationships, and opportunities because failure feels inevitable.
- Result: You stay stuck, reinforcing the belief that you’re incapable of change.
This is the cycle that keeps people trapped. The only way to break it is to confront the beliefs born from those experiences—and that’s easier said than done.
Forgiveness Is the Ultimate Cheat Code
Here’s where it gets uncomfortable. If you want to stop being defined by your trauma, you need to forgive the people who caused it. Not for them, but for you. Anger and resentment are mental clutter that take up space you could be using to grow.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean what they did was okay. It doesn’t mean you owe them a damn thing. It just means you’re taking your power back. You’re refusing to let them live rent-free in your head.
Rebuilding Isn’t Pretty, But It’s Worth It
Here’s what no one tells you about healing: it’s not linear, and it’s not pretty. You’ll have moments of clarity followed by weeks of feeling stuck. You’ll make progress only to fall back into old habits. But every time you choose to try again, you’re building new pathways in your mind.
Think of trauma as an overgrown trail in a forest. Every time you revisit that pain, the trail becomes more defined. But when you create new memories—positive, empowering ones—you’re forging a new path. Eventually, the old trail becomes overgrown and forgotten, replaced by a road that leads somewhere better.
This isn’t instant. It’s not even fast. But it’s possible. And it’s worth it.
The Brutal Truth: Healing Is Your Responsibility
Let’s be brutally honest: your trauma isn’t your fault, but healing is your responsibility. No one is coming to save you. No one is going to hand you a better life. It’s up to you to do the work—to seek therapy, build habits, and confront the uncomfortable truths about yourself.
This isn’t fair. But fairness isn’t the point. Growth is.
Knowledge Is Power—But Only If You Use It
We live in an era where knowledge is free and abundant. Want to learn to code? There are thousands of tutorials online. Struggling with mental health? Countless resources are available. But knowledge alone won’t save you. Action will.
The next step isn’t about finding the perfect solution; it’s about starting. Start messy. Start scared. Start anyway. Because every step you take away from your past is a step closer to the life you deserve.
Stop Apologizing for Where You Are
If you’re still standing after everything you’ve been through, you’re already a success. Stop apologizing for taking longer to heal. Stop comparing yourself to people who haven’t fought your battles. Your journey is yours alone, and there’s no deadline for becoming the person you want to be.
You’re not behind. You’re rebuilding. And when you finally get there, you’ll appreciate the view more than anyone else ever could.
So take a deep breath. Take your time. And take your life back.