We’re told lies about pain. Sweet, comforting lies. “Everything happens for a reason,” they say. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Pretty words. Empty words. The truth is darker. Rawer. More powerful.
Pain visits us all. It comes uninvited. Unwanted. Unexpected. We run from it. Hide from it. Fight against it. Yet it finds us. Always. This isn’t a tragedy. It’s the point.
I used to believe suffering was a mistake. A glitch in life’s programming. Something to be eliminated, like a bug in software. I chased happiness like it was the only goal worth pursuing. I was wrong. Dead wrong.
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: Strength isn’t born in comfort. Growth doesn’t happen on easy street. Character isn’t forged in sunshine. They’re all children of pain, born in darkness, raised in struggle.
Think about your proudest achievements. Your deepest growth. Your strongest relationships. Look closely. You’ll find suffering at their core. Not as an obstacle, but as the foundation. The very thing that made them possible.
The marathon runner embraces burning muscles. The entrepreneur accepts countless failures. The artist faces rejection after rejection. The parent endures sleepless nights. Each choosing their pain. Each finding meaning in their struggle. Each becoming stronger not despite their suffering, but because of it.
But here’s where it gets tricky. Not all pain is created equal. Some suffering breaks us. Other suffering builds us. Random suffering feels meaningless. Chosen suffering builds purpose. The difference? Intention. Direction. Meaning.
Consider two people facing rejection. Same pain. Different outcomes. One crumbles, bitter and resentful. The other grows, learning and adapting. The pain didn’t make the difference. Their relationship with it did.
We face a choice. We can suffer passively, victims of circumstance, or we can suffer actively, architects of our growth. We can let pain happen to us, or we can use it to happen to life.
The math is brutal but simple. Everything worthwhile costs something. Every choice brings its own flavor of pain. Want love? Risk heartbreak. Want success? Welcome failure. Want wisdom? Embrace uncertainty. Want strength? Make friends with struggle.
Here’s what most people miss: The pain you choose becomes your power. The struggles you embrace become your strength. The hardships you face deliberately become your definition.
Some days, I still resist this truth. I want the growth without the growing pains. The victory without the battle. The transformation without the trial. But life doesn’t work that way. Never has. Never will.
The real question isn’t “How can I avoid pain?” It’s “What pain serves my purpose?” Not “How can I be comfortable?” but “What discomfort is worth embracing?” Not “How can I suffer less?” but “How can I suffer better?”
This shift changes everything. Suffering transforms from curse to catalyst. Pain becomes not just purposeful but necessary. Each struggle points toward strength. Each hardship hints at hope.
The secret lies in selection. Choose your battles. Pick your pain. Embrace the struggles that serve your purpose. Let go of the rest. Not all pain is progress, but all progress requires pain.
Remember this: Life’s greatest achievements often hide behind its greatest challenges. Love requires risking heartbreak. Creation demands facing failure. Growth necessitates discomfort. Strength demands resistance.
The strongest people aren’t those who’ve suffered least. They’re those who’ve suffered deliberately. Purposefully. Meaningfully. They’ve chosen their struggles instead of letting their struggles choose them.
Your pain will shape you. This isn’t negotiable. The only question is: Will you be shaped by random suffering, like a rock worn down by waves? Or will you choose your suffering, like a sculptor choosing their chisel?
In the end, we all face pain. But some face it empty and meaningless, while others face it with purpose and direction. Some let pain happen to them, while others use it to happen to life. Some suffer by chance, while others suffer by choice.
The uncomfortable truth remains: What makes us stronger isn’t the absence of pain, but our relationship with it. Our willingness to embrace it. Our ability to use it.
What pain will you choose? What struggle will you embrace? What discomfort will you use to forge your strength?
The choice, as always, remains yours.